The Apprentice is back! Oh how I have missed it. The utterly pointless and totally unconvincing bravado, the odd haircuts, the curiously childish ineptness (we are going to clean luxury cars - bring the cans of oven cleaner!) and the bitching. Oh. My. God. The bitching.
I hate to say it but this programme invariably makes me ever so slightly squirmingly embarassed to be female. The boys may tear each other to shreds in the boardroom but at least they pretend to be team players for a while. The girls start having at it with the sharpened cutlery before they have even started the task! And they don't just bitch and backbite, they whine too. I am female and have worked in business for over 20 years and I have never, ever met anyone who approaches work like these so called high fliers. Maybe I have just been lucky.
Or maybe these people aren't real. Maybe Sralan has a secret farm somewhere in the depths of Essex where he breeds contestants for The Apprentice (he probably has a lucrative sideline in mind-buggeringly awful contestants for The X Factor too - you are not telling me those people are real either). Perhaps in some quiet little English lane, tucked away from sight, if you listen carefully you can just hear the plaintive calls of Sralan's livestock: "I am the complete package!" "I am totally ruthless and totally focussed" "There is no point in coming second" "I am not here to make friends. If you stand in my way, I will destroy you!" Makes you wonder whether the ones that get fired end up as cat food.
Roll on Wednesday night!