Meeting myself coming back

Oh, thanks for asking - just a quiet little weekend, relaxing, you know. Hah! Dragged both children to Argos on Friday night to buy birthday presents for the parties they are both scheduled to attend shortly. Also bought new kettle for office as our office kitchen is about to be gutted. (Left kettle in boot of car and forgot it when went into office - par for course)

Got children up at crack of dawn on Saturday (well, 8am but that's early for weekends isn't it?) - fed them, wrapped present for Second Born's party. Nipped to post office to post parcel to friend in Canada. Cajoled Second Born away from computer and into car. Drove him to party (15 minute drive across town). Resisted temptation to drive past venue and just lob him and gift out of window. Dropped him off, made small talk with other mums, escaped and ran back to car. Drove back across town to house.

Got back to house, described venue of party to husband as he is walking into town (we only have the one car) to pick Second Born up from party. Picked up First Born, drove him out to East Lothian for his therapy session (30 minute drive). Sat through therapy session listening to all the great jokes that First Born has made up recently which therapist hasn't heard yet. I have heard all of them. At least four times. Repetition does not make them funny. (I really wanted to write "funnier" there but honestly, they weren't funny first time round)

Drive First Born back to house, resist temptation to lob him out of window into the driveway. Instead, park and run into house. Deposit child, collect shopping list. Drive to Sainsbury's. All clothes are 25% off! Including the coat I had my eye on! Could my weekend be improving? No. They have every size from 8 to 22 except mine. Sigh. Do shopping whilst pouting. Take shopping home and put away.

Help with general house tidying. We have husband's family coming round to celebrate my mother-in-law's husband's 84th birthday and we can't let them see the sort of squalor we normally inhabit. Tell children they are getting no chinese food if they don't help. Have family round for chinese food - really nice evening but hectic as kids high as kites with the excitement of it all. (We play picture consequences which always results in much hilarity. MIL's husband's attempt to draw a frog is interpreted as a sketch of Nell Gwynn)

Go to bed. Get up, feed children and husband. All pile into car and I am dropped off at my office to participate in great office move as we are upgrading our basement and need to empty it. Of what seems like 20 years of crap. I decide to clear out a first floor cupboard to free up storage and have an interesting afternoon finding our valuable stores of.....replacement daisy wheels (remember them?), headed paper for a former firm that hasn't existed for 10 years, the smallest jiffy bags in the world and a pristine 1970s manual portable typewriter, in its case, complete with two-tone fabric ribbons. (That's going on e-Bay!)

Come home at 6pm dusty and aching. Feed children. Remember Second Born is going on school trip tomorrow. He needs waterproof trousers. He doesn't have waterproof trousers. Find pair that belonged to First Born. They are for age 10. Second Born is 7. And small. Make him try them on. They don't fall round his ankles so declare them a fit. Try on wellies I found in the cupboard and glory be ! They fit!. Make boys take showers. Make boys stop frightening each other by making faces up against the shower curtain. Put children to bed. Eat leftover chinese food from last night. Go to bed. Good job I don't have a social life. Where would I fit it in?