Flying post to say I dropped into the gym at lunchtime today. I almost didn't make it inside. As I pulled into the car park, a whole horde (gaggle? posse? herd? stampede?) of young teenage schoolkids emerged. (My gym, being Cooncil run, is also used as a facility for local schools sometimes). As a mature, grown up sensible woman of 40 with children of her own, my natural reaction of course was to panic - I couldn't possible go in there, into the changing rooms, if there might be teenage girls in there too. They might laugh at me.
Seriously. How pathetic am I? After all the effort I have made to focus on what I can do, and what I am trying to do, instead of how I look and how other people perceive me, my armour is demolished by the possiblity that I might be sneered at by an adolescent. In that instant, I was back at school and terrified to go into the toilets for fear of being picked on (that happened a lot at my school. I developed a very strong bladder.)
I sat for a minute watching the kids pass by the back of my car before mentally shaking myself and deciding this was truly pathetic behaviour. There is a line I use on my children when they are cliping on each other, complaining that "He's saying horrible things to me!" etc. I look carefully at the complainer and say "And where exactly are you bleeding? Do you have bruises? Broken bones? No? Then he can only hurt you if you let him, ignore him." Well then.
I grabbed my bag and went in. Changing rooms, of course, empty. Two out of the three treadmills were occupied (the one on each end, naturally) but having survived trial by teen, I was not to be put off and clambered on to the middle one. 17 minutes in and my legs were ok, my breathing was okay but I could feel I was developing a whopper of a blister on my left instep. I tried carrying on but it was really beginning to hurt so I shifted over to the cross-trainer instead. Being low impact, it didn't bother the blister so much. Did another 15 minutes on there on a hill programme, so managed my target of about 32 minutes one way or another.
I definitely need to get those new shoes looked at, I think. Anyway, tomorrow is the Great Winter Run in Edinburgh, Second Born has been getting slightly cold feet at the prospect of running entirely on his own, so please keep your fingers crossed for him. If he does run (and I seriously hope he does) I might even let him post his own race report here.
P.S. 13 comments! I am ridiculously excited by that! Thanks all for making a sad girl very happy!