Advance warning: this post is going to be about weight loss and stuff so if you don't want to read me going on at length on this topic close to my heart, click away now. I won't be offended, honest. Off you go, really, it's fine.
Right, now that I am just talking to myself: What the hell is my problem????
A little back story. I have never been skinny (well not since the days when my mum was buying my clothes and they were sized according to my age) but after the boys were born things got a bit out of hand. I like to cook and bake and I love to eat. I didn't exercise enough (by which of course I mean at all) and before I knew it, I was seriously overweight. About a couple of years ago now, the photos and video of me on our family holiday to Canada were just so horrific that I decided I had to do something about it. I did NOT decide to go on a diet. I really don't believe in diets and I knew that what I really needed was to change the way I lived forever, not just for a few weeks or months. That would just be storing up problems for later.
And I did it. I pretty much stopped eating sweets, cakes, biscuits etc (I am incapable of moderation in such things so cold turkey is the only way for me), upped the intake of fruit and veg and started running a bit. I discovered the wonderful website at www.weightlossresources.co.uk (I seem to think I heard about this on Shauna's site - would that be right?) which worked out what calories I needed to eat to lose weight, let me record precisely what I was eating and, most importantly, earn calories by exercising. The discipline was good for me. The fact that the site highlighted very clearly the link between calories in and calories burned really helped me. I began to grudge eating very calorific foods on the basis that "That's a half hour run in one snack! Just not worth it!"
I lost almost 4 stone. I dropped gradually from a size 22 to a size 14/16. People told me how well I was looking (and let's face it, there is just nothing nicer to hear than that you have clearly lost weight and are looking good on it!). And then, towards the end of last year, I had the little problem with my bank account going overdrawn- which subsequently of course turned out to be my bank cancelling my standing order and not telling me - and I assumed it was my fault for overspending. So being the fiscally prudent person I am, I trimmed my outgoings and thought "I know what I am doing now, I have been eating well for a year or more, I don't need to pay £8.50 per month to Weight Loss Resources to tell me what I already know" and I cancelled my membership.
Turns out, I do in fact need to be told what I already know. The absence of daily discipline and accountability has led to sloppy habits. Portion sizes have crept up because I am not weighing things. Snacks and things find their way into my mouth almost unnoticed because I am not recording them. Too much olive oil and butter have found their way back into my cooking on a regular basis. The result is that I have put back on one of the stones I lost and I am kicking myself (note to self: check how many calories per hour kicking oneself burns off). I have therefore today re-joined WLR and I cannot begin to describe the relief. I have my daily allotment of calories (1232 plus whatever I can earn with exercise) and I slipped straight back in to the routine of actually thinking about what I am eating before I eat it. Today I have eaten breakfast, a good lunch and an ENORMOUS bowl of bulgur wheat salad for dinner, some black sesame rice cakes as a snack and I plan to have a Del Monte Strawberry and Banana smoothie lolly with a cup of tea shortly. I will still be about 100 calories under my allowance and I will have eaten 11 portions of fruit and veg. I am feeling smug, can you tell? (Not all days are this virtuous obviously!)
I have every intention of sticking with this again. I aim to lose at least 2 stones from what I weigh now and you have me permission to nag me and remind me of this whenever I look like I am about to give in to the siren call of brie. Or pate. Or guacamole. Or sausages. Or pork pies. Or dumplings. Or CHOCOLATE. Or.........or.......or..........