Thursday, 27 November 2008

A bright new (slightly scary) talent

I promise I have full permission to post this. First Born (aged 10) is doing the rain forest as his project at school this term. The school likes to apply the topic across various disciplines, so for example, for creative writing they were asked to produce a rainforest survival guide. FB decided to do a version at home. You have to imagine the original produced in lurid red felt pen like blood on green paper. With illustrations. And "Do not read this book!" on the back. Here, verbatim, is the text:


If you are reading this, god help you. ONLY read this if you are stranded in the rain forest cause this book may distress small children yadda yadda yadda, you know the rest! Okay, so you are in the forest, stranded, no help, and your friends are dead or being swolled by a jaguar. Find some wood for a fire and catch an animal and cook it, then make a bed out of leaves, things to watch out for, canibals, crocodiles, poison arrow frogs, jaguars, and that's about it. So good luck and don't tell anybody you bought this book!

Dear readers, the author of this book is now dead by an unfortunate canibal incounter."

You're scared now, aren't you? Maybe it's like that videotape in "Ring" and you too will shortly fall victim to a canibal incounter. (Cue "Twilight Zone" music)...........


  1. Very very scary. Though helpful. The boy is destined to be on "I'm a celebrity, get me...".

  2. Wow. Ray Mears eat your heart out!

    Brilliant imagination FB's got - respect!

  3. LOL! I like how there's no mention of killing the animal, simply catching it and cooking it!

  4. That's definitely a boy. No doubt about it!

    I hope I am never in a situation where I might be swolled by a jaguar. (Or a boa constrictor.)

  5. Yep,I'm scared. But loving his work!

  6. Your kids are so funny. I think the apples didn't fall far from the tree :)